Human Element At Play

I love facts and recently, I am learning to pay more attention on the human element in problems or situations. For most things in life, subjectivity is at play. Human element can make or break a game, a negotiation and sometimes it can propel us further.

In baseball, the pitcher tries to scope out the strike zone of the umpire behind the plate and hopefully in the first few innings.  Determining whether a pitch swung at a ball or a strike is purely at the discretion of the umpire. Some umpires are known to have a narrow strike zone, some are inconsistent and some are partial to certain pitchers or batters. A seasoned pitcher will make adjustment to the situation and with a good pitching combined with strong defensive play, there is a high possibility to win the game.

The History Channel features American Pickers where Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz travel around the United States in a white van buying or picking from clients. What draws me to the series is the passion of the pickers for picking, the way they do the dance, how they break the ice with the clients and see them relish the moment when they found good buys. They conduct their business with respect and integrity to their clients and their trade. Mike and Frank would impart their practices on picking  - show interests in what the person is doing, don't give up easily and find a way to make a connection with the seller. It is about feeling someone out about their propensity to sell the item in question and close the deal in a win-win situation.  Love the way they do the dance and emerge triumphant for scoring good finds.

A sailboat can't sail directly against the wind. Instead, a sailboat sails in a zig-zag pattern against the wind to capture the wind. The irony is when the vessel harnesses the wind in just the right angle, it will sail faster than the wind. Bernoulli's Principle is at play here between velocity and pressure. There is fine adjustment on the curvature of the sail to harvest the wind and create the lift in the desired direction. One does not need to know the underlying physics principles to sail. At the end of the day, it is the combination of intuitive feel and practical experience of the sailor to get from point A to point B.

Adjustment is necessary. Adjustment should be made gradually. Experience matters. It takes time to ride the waves. Human element can make or break any situation. I see it clearly now.

Adios, Farewell And Good Bye To My Thirties

I will bid farewell to my thirties and usher in my 40th birthday this month. When I looked back, in the grand scheme of things, I have a spectacular thirties. Whether it was about career or about love or about self respect  or about health, I have a good run in my thirties. I have definitely learn to appreciate myself more, become less critical about myself and focus less on how people think about me.

I have battle scares that cut me really deep and hurt me really bad.  After my ex-french boyfriend left me for London/Paris, I was depressed and I just couldn't bring myself to eat for the first few days. When I watched Sex and The City, the movie, a few years later, I had an aha moment when Carrie was in the rut after Mr Big had jilted her. So that's what happens when someone has fallen out of love. While it will never get easier, at least I am emotionally prepared to handle myself appropriately.

I had experienced working with a version of boss from hell in my thirties. Thank god it was short lived when a senior leader intervened.  I chalked it up to style difference and the fact that we were not able to build a trust partnership.  It took me awhile before I realized that I was suffering from psychologically issues.  Instead of being temperamental prior to my menstrual period, I cried a lot. Sometimes I cried while driving to and from work and sometimes I just sat at my desk and cried.  I had lower abdominal pain and later found out that I had ovarian cyst/bubble. The moment that I was told that I no longer report to the boss from hell, my symptoms went away almost instantaneously. Vulnerability is gut wrenching piece of work! The two important takeaway from this experience were—what are some of the qualities of a boss from hell that I should never replicate and how stress can impact a human's well being. I should have taken action earlier. I know better now.

I respect individuals choice in sexual orientation and religious belief. When introduced to a gay person, it was normal for me. I have never been introduced to a homosexual couple until my mid thirties. I faux pas during the first introduction to a gay couple. I was dumbstruck immediately after the handshake. I don't know how to react then.  I was embarrassed for my behavior. Good news is I have gotten better at it.

Fitness has became an integral part of my lifestyle. When I was little, my monikers were "pencil" and  "chopstick" for I looked like a bamboo pole with long slim arms and a virtually non-existence derriere. I look so much better now. Yoga, rock climbing and running have sculpted my body. I have nice definition on my arms and I must say a pretty nice ass. Combine with the fact that I am more self-assured and confident, I carry myself far better than I did when I was younger. I like the mature me.

I am a late bloomer in the make up department. I can't fight it anymore as make up has creeped into my morning repertoire. It started out with perfume then lip gloss and now eye liner and bronzer or blusher. Today, I would not leave home without first putting on some eye liner and perfume. Without a doubt, I will add more along the way and contribute more to the beauty economy.

Whether it is managing the side effects of menopause, chemotherapy for breast cancer, having to succumbed to ovarian cancer,recovering after a lung transplant or caring for an autistic child, I saw the strength and resiliency in friends and friends of friends dealing with health issues of their own or caring for their love ones.  I salute them for their courage and perseverance in dealing with trials and tribulation of life. Their stories are reminders for me to take good care of my health. Even more now that I am hitting 40.

At this age and time, I would be remiss if I fail to mention social media. Facebook has enabled me to reconnect with my friends from primary, secondary and tertiary education. While I may not be close in proximity to my friends, I get a glimpse of their life from Facebook. It's a really special privilege though sometimes I take it for granted. It is really nice that I can compare notes about wellness and normalize the symptoms of aging with former classmates.This year I get to congratulate a lot of people on their 40th birthday on Facebook and age gracefully with them.

I have a long distance relationship with a very wonderful man. We have been seeing each other for a few years now. While the current arrangement works for us — spending time together at least 4 times a year and video conference calls on weekends.  I look forward to the time when we will take the next steps to live together.  Until then, we have a common goal to grow old together. We talked about lazy Sundays, reading newspapers and listening to classical music in the sunroom. I know it is in the horizon and plan to see through this goal of ours in my 40s and hopefully early 40s.

I learn to work with the reality of who I am and what's best for me. I learn to manage my energy over managing my time. I will bow out gracefully from my thirties and leap into my forties with great stride and self confidence. 

Mismatch socks à la mode

It is necessary to wear matching socks ? It seems to me that the rules have changed or times has changed. My french teacher's oldest daughter, a teenager, wears mismatch socks. She smiled and indulged me by sharing that she goes to school with mismatch socks too. It's her modus operandi. 

Her mum chimed in that she does not match up her clean socks and it is easier to settle with wearing mismatch socks.

When I was in Amsterdam, my boyfriend's teenage daughter also wore mismatch socks. When I observed two teenagers from different continents doing the same thing, I suppose this is the trend these days.  Recently, my french teacher's youngest daughter joined her sister.  Here's a picture of her creative match.

 

 Whether the motivation is to simplify the need to organize the socks drawer, to spark creativity or to draw attention, this is a new form of self-expression. I find it fun, inspiring and creative. If I were to do that when I was in missionary school, I would be sent to the principle's office. Oh... what a missed opportunity for self-expression during my youth.

Musing in San Francisco Airport

Two weeks ago, I was at San Francisco Airport to pick up my boyfriend who was here to celebrate Valentine's Day with me.  I was early so I sat facing the doors where people exited the immigration check point. It was a prime location where I had a good view of the people walking out and into the arrival lobby  and the television monitor that showed approaching passengers to the arrival lobby.

I was sitting right below the electronic arrival information dashboard. And I sat there for almost an hour. People were standing in front of me while glancing at the electronic dashboard. Many people came and went while I sat and waited. Nobody but a gentleman gave me a quick glance before looking up at the dashboard. 

It then donned to me that I was sitting at the most insignificant spot with the bird-eye view of my surrounding. The prime attraction at the spot was the information above my head. I was a nobody to my surroundings when I planted myself on the seat right below the dashboard. While I was waiting for him, my mind wondered. It is human nature to start with negative thoughts and I always make an appoint to counter balance it with positive ones. – Is being deference a virtue that I stand for? Did I stifle my life by being a conformist ? Am I always striving to blend in with crowd ? Am I afraid to be different ? Am I in the picture to make others look better in comparison ? I will take this time to absorb my surroundings especially what is fashionable from abroad. While others are not focused on me, I can reflect without interference. 

Like everyone else in the arrival lobby, the goal was to pick up someone and for me, it was my boyfriend.  I saw him approaching on the television monitor. I left my seat and scurried in front of the crowd. I planted a long kiss on his lips and we headed home. 

Iris Apfel .... inspiring indeed

I am marveled by Iris Apfel. She is probably one of the most rara avis people alive. She is a business woman, interior designer and fashion icon from New York.  And she is 92 years old. She wears a pair of flying saucer glasses and dresses in bold, bright exuberant outfits. She definitely stands out in a crowd with her charming, warm and whimsical outfits.

I know nothing about fashion and I cannot pull off wearing her outfits. It is the story behind the individual that energizes me. In my opinion, she exudes happiness and confidence.I am in awe of her commitment for being her own person. She surrounds herself with the things that make her happy. She is not afraid to be herself. I want to live life like her and be more comfortable under my own skin.

http://www.nytimes.com/video/t-magazine/100000002615161/iris-apfel-on-the-meaning-of-style.html

Happy New Year 2014 From Paris

My boyfriend and I kissed at the stroke of midnight in the RER between Pont de l'Alma and Champ de Mars  Tour Eiffel in Paris. The train stalled in between the stops. We wished each other Happy New Year surrounded by drunk youngsters and joyful cheer "Bonne Année". There were a lot of people  at the Eiffel Tower train stop. It took us almost 15 minutes to resurface from the station.

The sky was clear and the Eiffel Tower was beautifully lid up. While the place was crowded, when I looked up at the magnificent monument, I felt almost as if  it was just the Eiffel Tower and me. I immersed myself with the surrounding , took a few pictures like any faithful tourists and walked away.

Bonne Année à Tous!

Happy New Year! May 2014 be a great year for all of you!

My lessons learned in 2013

As I reflected on past events in 2013, I want to pen down some references that transformed my beliefs in 2013.

An article on Harvard business Review has triggered a need in me to look at scheduling differently. I learned to manage my energy level over a well thought out agenda/plan.  Now, I take into account my energy level at different times of the day and prioritize important tasks during the time when my energy level is the most optimum. I am getting a little smarter about managing me.

Another article on Harvard Business Review talked about promotion-focused and prevention-focused behavior. I knew before reading the article that I am partial towards prevention-focused. The simple test at the end of the article corroborated with my suspicion. I wanted to have traits of promotion-focused and perhaps, I am tired of pointing the obvious while other people can talk convincingly to get recognized with outrages and non realistic ideas. I tried to act promotion-focused but subconsciously I articulated my thoughts and conveyed my intention in a prevention-focused manner.  I only came to realized  my bipolar intent vs action when a coworker pointed it out to me when I was exchanging accounts between two of my direct reports.I am taking this out of context but hopefully I make my point. I said, "If the new assignment does not work out, I will work with you to ensure we get  things moving in the right direction". It would have been a whole lot better if I would have said "This change is good for the team. This guy will be a great fit and I got his and your back and I assure you that he will succeed in this account".  Everyone buys in to someone who can speak convincingly.

We are only human beings and likability is an important trait especially when moving up the corporate ladder. One of my immediate superiors resigned this year. He is a brilliant communicator, driven, someone who gives energy, has a plan and executes his plan.  He made it clear that he was looking to move up and he worked really hard throughout his tenure at the company. He was not liked by a key leader despite giving his best. Alas,  he knew in his guts that he was not going to get what he wanted and resigned. I personally believe that likability has deprived him the opportunity to move further along in the company. It was an appropriate move on his part to seek opportunities elsewhere. C'est la vie. Learn to exercise the power of likability.

Self-convicing is a fallacy. When my ex-superior talked about this "key leader", he was always diplomatic and spoke of this person with reverence. I was not convinced by his responses. After he left the company, it became clear to me that he was not trying to convince me but himself.  Nevertheless he tried. I learned to remind myself to follow my heart. Things will happen in due time. Self-convincing is a waste of time.