I am taking a hiatus from a self-absorbed friend

I have a friend who is going through some challenging times and she is late on her car loan payment again. Since my contact was given to the car leasing company, I have gotten calls to ask for her to call back when she is late on dues.  

The first time, I received a call from the leasing company, I called her and left her a voice mail. She did not bother to call back. I also learnt that  the most effective way to get in touch with her is via Facebook.  There were several other calls and I was asked by this friend to ignore the calls or block the caller. Last week, I got a voice call from the leasing company requesting my friend to call back and based on my missed calls, the caller ID indicated that the number is blocked.  I left her a note on FB. While I know she has read my message, she did not respond to me. I wrote her another note where I expressed my frustration of her non action and below is her response:

"you have every reason to be mad at me. I haven't been a good friend at all. Sorry to implicate you in this but I thought I can handle anything that comes my way but I was wrong. I am back log in most payments again. it's the car financial ppl that's been bothering you.. Since I will always be late till I clear it off this year, it's the last year and they do not listen to my plea to not call you or any of our friends, you might need to either ignore or block their calls.. Sorry it's the only way I can think of and even that I still can't help and you have to do it yourself . What luck to have a friend like me huh?"

I have no intention of responding to her FB message. I am not mad at her but disappointed at how she can be so irresponsible and ignorant at the same time.

She had offered the suggestion to block the car leasing company's number, I can block the main line which I have already done. What about calls from the direct lines within this company ? I work for a global company, I cannot ignore all the phone numbers coming from the same area code as the leasing company. Also sometimes international calls come in as block numbers, I can't ignore that either. Sigh.... ignorance is not bliss in such matters.

Since she moved to San Diego several years ago, I tried calling her from time to time. I left her voice mails and she never called back. I stopped calling her altogether. The last time I spoke to her was when she needed my contact as a reference to lease a car and that was at least 3 years ago.

I am disappointed that she did not take the time to keep in touch. A common friend, E of hers and mine has decided to ignore her altogether. There is a lot of things to do before migrating to a new country and there is no explanation in the world that can absolve this friend for not telling E about her decision to move. 

She is my friend since we were in primary school and we sat next to each other in secondary school. I have seen first hand how her dad's demise have changed her life at a tender age of 17 years old. Her then boyfriend lived across from my first boyfriend. She was pregnant out of wedlock intentionally because she wanted a baby.  It is a taboo to have a baby before marriage in asia. She went against the social norm where typically a woman should marry up and she took the reverse route. I suspect she is struggling to make ends meet now.  We , her friends, respect her chosen life and none of us think less of her.  This friend has forgotten that we can be her best support system to get her through tough times.  Hopefully, she will come around soon. For now, I am taking a hiatus from her.

They actually uphold a little bit of the chinese wedding tradition.

My sister planned for two wedding ceremonies. The first was for the groom's family and the next ceremony was for the bride's family and the new couples' friends and colleagues.  Since the second ceremony involved the bride's family, I helped out a little bit.  The fact that the new couple simplified their wedding,  I wasn't sure what's in and what's out in terms of wedding traditions. Also, my parents have been very accommodating to the new couples wishes.  Basically, I played by ear and just went along with whatever I was told.

My mother's youngest sister a.k.a my 8th aunt, she came a day earlier. I know that's a lot for any average family. My maternal grandmother has 13 children, over 50 grandchildren and perhaps 5 and growing number of great grandchildren. I am glad to have the opportunity to spend time with my aunt.She is well-versed in wedding traditions for different Chinese dialect groups and is available for wedding engagement to uphold chinese traditions. Without her presence, I highly doubt that any Hokkien wedding tradition will be observed during my sister's wedding. Thank you to you, my dear aunt!

Normally, this is a loud and merry event and typically, the groom and his entourage will go over to the bride's home to pick up the bride. Before he can see his bride, he has to negotiate with the bridesmaids: $$$ in the red packet ,play some games, sing a song, declare his love aloud to the bride and etc.  In my sister's wedding, the groom came solo. In lieu of negotiation, the new couple took photograph with friends and relatives.

According to Hokkien tradition, it is inauspicious for the bride's family if the new couple leave the house before 10am in the morning. Therefore we delayed the commencement of the tea ceremony where the couple offered tea to the elderly: my parents, aunts and uncles for my father's side only. Tea was not served to relatives from my mother's side because my grandmother wasn't presence and it is not appropriate to proceed without her.

Later, the couple has to bow first to god(sky) then to our ancestors before proceeding to bow to my parents. It is disrespectful and may anger god or ancestors if the sequence is not followed.
Luckily, my aunt was there to guide the new couple throughout the ceremony at my parent's place.

We took group photographs before the couple was allowed to leave the premise and it was after 10am. My sister brought along with her a fan, upon getting into the car, she disposed the fan. In turn, my mother handed her a new fan. This is uniquely a Hokkien tradition. I understand from my aunt that this action signifies that the bride gets rid of any bad habits and start fresh. Also, it is consider bad luck/clash to see other weddings. She can use the fan to shield from viewing of other people's wedding.

While these tradition may not have any significance to the new couple, I am glad they went along with it. We joined the couple at their wedding reception for a 8-course luncheon. My favorite part was the slideshow about the new couple.