Just hang in there a little longer

I learned from LR the difference between an introvert and a loner. An introvert is at ease among close knit friends whereas a loner prefers being alone. I spend quality time bonding with LR where she shared her insecurity in her relationship with a loner type of guy. We went for a long walk on Ocean Beach, watch the sunset then went for dinner in Japan Town.

LR is one of my most gregarious buddies. Everyone loves to talk to her. She organizes gatherings so that all her friends get to keep in touch regularly. I enjoy dining with her and she is one of my few friends who loves to pig-out. We don't have a care in the world when we eat. Waistline and calories do not exist in our gastronomy literature. 

She has a positive disposition in life. A few years back, I got a call from her where she had informed me that she had a brain tumor and had scheduled for surgery in a few days. She just wanted me to know that she was out of reach for 2 weeks. I worried for her while her main focus was to ensure that she called up her friends so that we knew that she was out of reach temporary. Our call was short because she had a list of friends to call.  Instead of being consume with the surgery, she was on a mission or perhaps it was her distraction to the issue at hand. My point is only a positive forward thinking person would do what she did.

She met someone through internet dating after she had recovered from her surgery. I have seen JG a few occasions during LR's gatherings at a local irish pub. Though I hardly talked to him nor took the time to get to know him better, I had the impression that he is a good person for LR. When a couple is in love, there is something special in the air— the loving gaze, stealing kisses and the natural intimacy between two people. Sadly, I saw none of that. I saw a cordial friendship between a man and a woman. Perhaps, they have mastered the art of delayed gratification which is the essence of their relationship.

They had broken up in March last year and the reason given by JG was that they were not compatible. Yet, JG had introduced LR to his family during Thanksgiving and they had spent new year eve together.  LR shared that JG is a loner. His actions were conflicting and non-committal. All LR is asking for is acknowledgement from him and the very least to know where she stands in their relationship. 

Like any normal female, LR sought out her girlfriends for support, comfort and validation. One friend told her to give JG an ultimatum because this method worked for her friend. LR knows that this is not the way to get her man to commit. Since he is a loner,  she runs the risk of losing him prematurely. Another friend advised her to stay close to him and don't let another woman come into the picture. This is what her friend employed to ensure her husband is hers only.  LR's insecurity had triggered her need to inspect him therefore she had secretly checked his call history and scoured his home for any trace of another woman. She is somewhat relieved that she found no suspicious calls or female items in his home.

I knew from speaking to her that she was leaning towards working things out with JG. She was looking for support to continue her quest. She had compared guys that she had met after JG and none exceeded her expectation.  She knows best what she needs. I gave her my support to hang in this limbo relationship because that is what she wanted. I pray she does not confuse his kindness and empathy as love. She is an intelligent lady and she needs to recognized that when it is time to call it quits she has the courage to make the tough call.  

I am no expert in relationship and all I can do for her is be a good listener. Follow your heart, my dear friend. What don't break you makes you stronger, LR! 

Enjoy motherhood, my friend!

Baby K's mummy hung up her Jimmy Choo or Christian Louboutin and opted for Nike or whatever walking shoes that are popular in Scotland instead. Seriously, Baby K's mummy had put her career on hold and decided to concentrate all her energy and attention on Baby K.  Baby K is so adorable, energetic and a very precocious baby. I can understand why it is difficult to leave Baby K with someone else while my dear friend has a career.   

This is the right decision and a tough one. 

This is right because she followed her heart. Having made up her mind, she does not have to make a choice between her job and being a mum. She does not need to feel guilty when she is compelled to choose her job over her child.  She does not need to adjust her schedule so she can make work and baby pickup times work and perhaps avoid traffic during peak hours too.  

She is guaranteed to witness almost all of Baby K's transformation during her formative years. She will be around for the many first — the first "I love you, mummy",  the first alphabet, the first number and many first phrases and imitations on mummy and daddy.  Both of them will make a lot of memorable moments such as baking cookies and making arts and crafts. 

I know it is important for  her that Baby K knows her relatives and cousins in Singapore and Malaysia. My dear friend is in a better position to make this a reality. She can plan for trips back to Asia and her only consideration is to workaround school holiday schedules.  

It is a tough because career is an important part of her life and mine too. I cannot imagine myself making a decision to stay home for a child. To me, it is like loosing a piece of myself and my identify because my job defines me.I guess motherhood trumps everything else in life. I want to remind her that she made the right decision. She can always build a career later. She plays many roles in life — a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law and etc... It is ok to put her job role on hold. When she is ready, she will find a beautiful pair of Jimmy Choo or Christian Louboutin to welcome her back to the workforce. Enjoy motherhood and make the best of it!

My Resolution For 2013

My instinct tells me that this will be a better year than the last.  I used to make resolutions which consist of things to accomplish in the upcoming year. I will do it a little differently for 2013. I want to focus on the outcome instead of trying to convince myself to transform my wish list aka as resolution into reality. If I don't get to it even if I were to include it as part of my resolution, I will never get to it.  Hence, this little tweak.

This is my wanna be list. 

I want to be a moderately health conscious chick. I am not talking about watching my weight nor my calories. Neither am I going to increase my workout frequency or routine. I want to be able to check off my list that I got to all my regular check ups. I have skipped my Pap smear screening last year. My OB/GYN has opted for early retirement which coincided with Obama Health Care Plan and she plans to volunteer for Doctors Without Borders. The onerous is on me to find a new OB/GYN. As for the other check-ups, I used to be a delinquent and I will fix it this year.I also need to make an appoint to pamper myself every quarter to a massage from my wonderful massage therapist. As for my workouts, practice awareness and hopefully I will sustain less injury this year. Just maybe, I will be vegetarian once a week for fun.

I want to be proficient in public speaking and to find that voice in me.  I know you are there, my public speaking voice and I will find you in due time. I came across an article about voice overhaul in a magazine at the hair salon. It stated that beauty is transient and voice transcends time. That's so true. What resonated with me most is that all preparation without using one's true voice is somehow incomplete. I recognized that this quest is more a journey and not an event. I will seek out opportunities and get better by doing more public speaking.  Somehow this jogged my memory about The 10,000 Hour Rule by Malcolm Gladwell in Outlier. Gosh,  I have a long way to go and I don't think I have even clocked 500 hours at this point. I will raise my game on this one for sure.

I want to deepen and broaden my network of female colleagues. I work in hi-tech where I interact more with male than female colleagues. This is a way of life at work. I am blessed with many very experienced female colleagues around me whom I have a lot of respect and admiration for the things they do. Yet I am so blind about the fact that I have the best support system and mentors around me. I look forward to bond with my female colleagues in 2013.

I will revisit this posting from time to time as this serves a reminder to myself.

Happy 2013, this is starting to be an exciting year for me and hopefully for you too!